I am grateful for all of the deep sharing I experienced and witnessed during the past week, certainly attributed to Mercury conjunct Pluto (in Capricorn) for the 3rd and last time in this current cycle.
When Mercury joins Pluto, our deepest unconscious comes up in thought and conversation. It is a moment of discovery. Not finding something new, but revealing more of what has been there all along.
Capricorn is the sign of material reality, dedication, accomplishment, limitation, structure, the past, and time (Note: Saturn, ruler of Capricorn, moves in 7 year cycles). Things we reviewed or talked about this week are heavy. They are difficult. They are real. They are blockages we simply cannot live with anymore and burdens we long to bury. They contain the most profound awareness of loneliness and lack.
Pluto is our secrets. Our wounds. Our shadows. Our threshold of life, death, and rebirth. The force of transformation. We gravitate towards experiencing Pluto obsessively, with a pull of fate like an undertow. It is the zone of primal urge and compulsion. A funny thing about addiction. Sometimes we seek it. But most often, what addicts us seems to seek us. A magnetic relating continuously compels into our sphere with seeming inevitability. Relentlessly, experiences form that take us beyond conscious control. The place where we have no choice but to meet the mystery of life.
Revere the shadow, our teacher. Lurking in the background with the power to possess us, addict us, toss us into chaos. It has the potential to drive us into fear and separation. And yet, it is our greatest tool for grace. Our birth canal to Pure Union.
We must offer ourselves to our shadows. Investigate them. Share them. Feel them as much as we can. Have courage to release into vulnerability. Be badass in the potent clarity. Don't look away. Unfurl into presence with this magnetic void. And put some glitter on it.
A shadow never belongs to an individual. One wound belongs to us all. This week, the wounds on our minds were familial. Sexual. Historical. Financial. They were wounds of corruption, trauma, and abuse. I'll say it before and I'll say it again because I believe so strongly: talk about it. Even, and especially if it's uncomfortable. Don't keep it hidden in the dark. When one person shares their experience with grief, with death, with an unending cycle of pain and bliss, with healing - everyone heals. It's like the repressed energy underneath the surface of everyone's mind exhales a sigh of relief. And room is made. Room for the phoenix to rise. Room for the world to meet its next evolution. Room for cherishing exactly what is.
This week, Jupiter has been on the North Node of fate, ruling Saturn in Sagittarius. Intimate conversations have been taken to the wider sphere. Broadcasted. Utilized for expansion, learning, and freedom from what ails us.
Ultimately, it is about Trust.
Do you trust even your darkness? Even that which you can never see?
Do you trust every experience you have endured? Your abuse? Your neglect and abandonment? Your upbringing? Your self-imposed, society-imposed limitations? Do you trust the insanity?
Do not possess these experiences. Do not allow them to sleep in your closet and possess you.
No.
Invite them into your bed. Embrace them at night. Let their voices whisper in your ear. When the gnaw in your belly or the square in your heart quivers, do not shy away. Magnetize your attention to that space. Be honest with them. Let their cries or screams or numbness reverberate and pass through like a storm. Give them voice or animation.
Take these shadows as your lover. Your teacher. Your dance partner. Take them as your orgasm. Where Humanity meets Divinity. Combine.
Your luscious pomade of completion. Claim this experience as yours. Consume it. Here is where power lives. The experience no longer disowned, but absorbed. Ready for continuation.
Ultimately, do you trust?
Life? Death? All that is? All that isn't and never was?
Yourself?
Can you ride on the dark wings of consciousness and slip
into the nothing
that is everything
that is intimacy
that is One
Eternal.
Can you continue to say Thank You,
even for this?
Incomplete. And yet, always done.