Smiling into Fear
Fall is come. The season is ripe for letting go. From last Wednesday September 9th to Friday the 18th, the phrase that pops to mind as I observe planetary aspects is: The Grand Finale.
It's like when you're at a fireworks show and all the false bombs head off at once. Horns are blaring, smoke appears, a sea of humans stands agape to the sky.
Yet this grand finale is happening within you; your deepest unconscious.
Saturn is making his final pass in Scorpio before he shifts to Sagittarius September 17th. While life and consciousness are continuous, without end or beginning, this is an opportunity for a last major release. There's an air of permanence about it. We won't see Saturn grinding away here again for 29 years.
In his final pass, Saturn creates real pressure to magnetize and drive out shadow material. Scorpio is the dark closet of our minds where repression drives powerful urges into hiding. During this window of time, these urges are exposed.
Say hello to fear. Make acquaintance with your hungry ghosts. Intense feeling, betrayal, abandonment, heartbreak, terror, neglect, slander, addiction, misuse of power, death, rage, disgust, deformity, violence, illness, ripping, inherited family shite. Invite them to your table.
Hold steady. Look them in the eye.
Yes, this is your shadow material. Yes, it's been inherited from your family, your ancestors, the destruction of the land. Yes, hungry ghosts emerge from war and trauma - they are some of our deepest wounds, the ones that clean logic and hospitals can never seem to solve. This is entrenched jungle territory.
And, it's not personal.
It's not yours to hold alone. The depth of material coming up now belongs to all of us. There is truly only one of us here: this is our shadow.
These next few days, do a cord-cutting ceremony.
Bury yourself in cool earth.
Scream in the woods until your throat is raw.
Tear what you need to tear.
Wear glitter and rage.
Ask for help from Divine.
Vomit into stones.
Shake and shimmy until it's gone.
Be with the process of emotional healing; this cannot be rushed.
Sit quietly and observe.
Be rigorously honest with yourself and others. Gather the courage to see within yourself and others what has been hidden.
Seek to find where you feel victimized. Take a long hard look, breathe into forgiveness and realize how you co-created. You walked there together. Now you can set clear boundaries and say NO. Stand for yourself. You never have to go there again. Can you use your victimhood as a vehicle for strength?
Where are you clinging to safety? True safety comes from release into chaos. Everything is governed by Divine Order. Embrace humility. Embrace landscape change. Moving. Breaking up. Embrace the uncomfortable rumblings in your belly: it's your body knowing exactly what to do. Embrace that your wholeness includes a starved child with an open maw of a mouth, hungering for more, more, more, more. Embrace the being you become without any thought of comfort or security. Who you are when you pass through the gate, strength gathered and condensed from holding presence in the fires of transformation.
Here is where we learn how death and life and such close cousins. Your primal seed of wildness and essence. When death is close, life is crystalline and psychedelic. Precious.
Stand next to your hunger, your trauma, your betrayal. Stand next to the great dark wings of death and feel its cool breath developed in the air. Stand there, unmoving, feeling the space around you. Smiling subtly as you fold deeper into yourself, making friends with every fear.
Say goodbye to this friend you've made the last 3 years. A hallowed houseguest who'd arrived in October 2012. Thank you for coming, Saturn in Scorpio. I feel somehow lighter now.
I feel almost ready
to go on a quest
into the wild unknown
the undiscovered me
my true nature.